An open letter to all women who fake and bake/spray tan:
Dear Orangies,
When you go tanning in a tanning bed repeatedly, you look fake. Why do you look fake? Because your body becomes a strange shade of orange. When you are orange in the winter, you look even more fake and, therefore, more stupid.
Also, you get gross wrinkles called CROWS FEET, which you will spend the rest of your life complaining about and getting botox injections for.
When you go SPRAY tanning, you look even more fake, more orange and more stupid. Spray tanning is basically spray PAINTING. And when you spray paint your body, the outcome can never be good. Also, the shit stains your clothes and your finger and toe nails. Someday we’ll probably find out it causes brain tumors, too.
My unasked for advice? Wait until the real sun comes out and get some natural color. It will be here before you know it, it’s free, and it doesn’t make you look like an orange loser. But don’t overdo it ladies – no one likes a peeler.
